glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
