If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
