I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
