I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
