He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
