I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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