Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
