my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
