dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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