wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Acid is not a monday night drug
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
