Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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