Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
