A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
