EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
