Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
