if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
