And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
