i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
nutella sex= disaster
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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