I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
