sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
