I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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