I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
