actually, I'm a sock model
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
