My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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