he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
