He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
