no, he came in my armpit
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
