Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
