she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
