i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
smell my finger.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
