last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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