So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
