NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
