U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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