Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
