i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
