Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I will be naked everywhere
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
