You're my little dorito
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's official drugs can't kill me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
