i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
