THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
