Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
