Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
