Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
