idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
