False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
