Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
