don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
