my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
