The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
