I accidentally burped into my bong.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
